“Say thank you”: Three steps to teach gratitude

You feel like a broken record! Several times a week, you prompt your young children to say thank you in a wide range of settings–at home, with friends, with relatives, at restaurants and stores. Is it really that important?

Yes. It is. Gratitude is a powerful emotion that contributes to overall well-being, stronger relationships, and increased happiness. Teaching children about feeling grateful from an early age equips them with a valuable tool for emotional resilience and positive social interaction. Research from developmental psychology and education shows that gratitude is not just an innate feeling—it can be nurtured and taught through intentional parenting and consistent practices. 

Here are three simple tips to help you instill gratitude into your children:

Do it yourself

Children learn more from what adults do than from what they say. According to social learning theory, modeling plays a critical role in child development. When parents express appreciation for small and large acts alike—whether thanking a cashier or expressing love for a family member—they demonstrate the value of gratitude in everyday life. A study published in The Journal of Positive Psychology found that children whose parents regularly showed grateful behaviors were more likely to internalize those values and replicate them. Modeling gratitude teaches children that appreciation is an active and visible part of life, not just a private feeling.

Talk about it!

Promoting gratitude also involves helping children recognize the good things in their lives and understand where they come from. Open-ended questions such as “What made you feel happy today?” or “Who helped you this week?” encourage kids to reflect on positive experiences and acknowledge the role others play in their lives. Research from the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley suggests that this kind of reflective practice fosters emotional awareness and nurtures a grateful mindset. Making time for these conversations during family meals or bedtime can build a habit of appreciation and mindful reflection.

Make it a habit

Incorporating gratitude into daily routines reinforces its importance. This can take many forms: keeping a family gratitude journal, sharing “three good things” at the dinner table, or writing thank-you notes together. These practices offer children consistent opportunities to express and recognize gratitude in both verbal and written forms. Studies have shown that such rituals not only enhance children’s emotional development but also increase their prosocial behavior—like helping, sharing, and cooperating. Routine gratitude activities transform thankfulness from an occasional expression into a way of life.

Please reach out for advice and counsel about how you can intentionally integrate gratitude into everyday interactions and routines. I look forward to helping you help your children develop a strong sense of appreciation that lasts into adulthood. Gratitude isn’t just good manners—it’s a foundational skill for happiness, empathy, and connection. 

These articles are not a substitute for therapy and should not be interpreted as professional advice.