White space

In advertising, the term "white space" is used to describe an area of white around an image or words. A good amount of white space draws the reader to the image or business name more than an advertisement that is cluttered with images or words. In E-mail, white space is used to describe a nearly empty inbox. In parenting, having more white space by pausing before you talk makes what you are saying have more "oomph" and may get more attention. It could also be cleaning up a bit of clutter around a toy your child hasn't used in a while making that "old" toy stand out more. Less really is more. 

Something light

"In the age of distraction, nothing can feel more luxurious than paying attention." ~ Pico Iyer

Sneaking a peek on Pinterest? Own it!

Exploring media with children more:

Get your children talking about smart phone, tablet and internet use! Involving them in the conversation about benefits and drawbacks can help them adopt a healthy approach to technology usage. 

• What do we use smartphones and tablets for in our family?
• When is enough is enough?! When do we know we have been on our device for too long? This question helps adults and children recognize when they are noticing the unwanted effects of media: disconnection with family and friends, eye strain, "zoning out," being away from fresh air for a few hours or noticing emotional distress as an effect of media. 
• Are there alternative ways we can solve this problem? In other words, go a week where Google is consulted after other sources (e.g., people, the library) are tried first. 
• How frequently do we need to do "media fasts?" For some families it may be one weekend out of a month, for others, it may be two. 
• Bring awareness to your usage by asking yourself a simple question of "do I need to check this now?"

Some additional related links:

• PBS Kids "When to introduce your child to a smartphone or tablet"
• American Psychological Association (APA)  article "Smartphone = not-so-smart parenting?" 
• American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) brief article on media and children 
• NPR report of AAP's changing guidelines
• Common Sense Media - one of the best resources available. They also have an app that makes it easy to search TV shows, movies and other media to help parents determine if the show is right for their children and their family. 

The downsides of using our smart phones, especially around children are real and are not to be dismissed. This photography experiment struck a chord with me and now I can't really be using my phone without picturing the image of what it looks like from an outsider's perspective and what my children are seeing. It is a slippery slope and soon I can sense the feelings the person with me may be feeling -- unimportant, left out, and ignored. It usually is enough to turn it off and redirect my attention. What often happens next though, is that nothing gets said. I may offer a quick apology or ask a question, "what did you say?" (while trying to shed feelings of guilt!) but the possible feelings of "you were ignoring me" are not really validated. I especially recognize this with my children but the feelings seem to permeate the air even with adults. 

                There are certainly times when we need an escape, or to connect with someone via text. But, expressions of planning, seeking partnership and explanation of why we are using our phones can begin to bridge the gulf of absence felt by those closest to us. For example, a statement of "I am going to look up on a map where the restaurant is so we can meet our friends for lunch" prior to opening Google Maps would help orient our companion to why we are pausing the conversation. Following, ask for our companion's opinion or thoughts about the map. "Look! I think I found it! Isn't it cool how I can see it on the screen like this AND I can even see a photograph of the restaurant?" For children, involving them in the work of using the directions can engender feelings of importance and contributing to the endeavor. In addition, acknowledging during times when we have been "in another world" using our phones is also an important step to bridging the gap. "I'm sorry, honey, I wanted to check to see if Aunt Laura returned my message," or "now I can give you my full attention." Or, owning the fact that you got distracted and now your child has your full attention. And then do it. Habit change is really hard, but it is worth every ounce of effort. 

Put the book down

I recommend a lot of books to parents. I read a lot of books as a parent. However, I think one of the best pieces of advice I have been given and now give regularly is, every now and then, put the book down. Read your baby instead of how to get her to sleep through the night. Watch your toddler instead of googling a 2 year-old's expected motor milestones. This can be counterintuitive because when we're new at something, we want to figure it out (most of us). However, there is a time for figuring out and there is a time for just riding it out. Often, the less "figuring out" you do, the better. Just be in it and keep moving forward. 

Parents - you really DO matter!

The video below is an important reminder how important the work of parenting is. While we don't want anything to be "wrong" with our children, it is sometimes harder to realize that it is us (parents) who needs to change. Once that is realized and the support is available and accessible, you can change. It doesn't take much. But, I think it is important to always remember that what you are doing in this job of parenting really does matter. Another lighter article that addresses how to incorporate social and emotional learning at home can be found here. 

Growing

I've moved from Wordpress! This blog used to be centered around parenting. While I will continue to post ideas and resources related to parenting, I will also incorporate other news and topics that connect readers to local (the "Triangle" of North Carolina) resources, research on mindfulness and the practice of it, good books to read to your children and good books to read to yourself, among other topics. There is much planting, watering and weeding ahead but it's nice to have a familiar place to land.